A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before she replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.'"
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An old man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son. Do your best. And just remember: If it doesn't go well and something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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When you're dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
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Being young is beautiful. Being old is comfortable.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
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Two old guys are pushing their carts around a store and bump into one another.
The first one says to the second, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second guy says, "That's OK. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
The second guy says: "Well, she's 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does you wife look like?"
To which the first guy says, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
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