Jerreigh's Two-Bit Solution

I’ve come up with the perfect solution for the mess in Iraq.  One all of us can participate in, and support our president in the process:  Take the money being spent on the war and give it to Americans for an all-out shopping spree, the ultimate weapon against terrorism.

You’re skeptical?  Shame on you.  Shortly after 9/11, no less an authority than President Bush urged Americans to go shopping.  He said it was the best way for those of us not wearing military uniforms to do our part to fight terrorism.

The timing is perfect.  The “Holiday” (formerly Christmas) shopping season is over, and retailers need our help.  Let’s not let the terrorists win by sitting on our credit cards.

I don’t know exactly how much we’re spending on Iraq.  I've seen figures as high as $270 million a day.  Let's be conservative.  Call it $200 million a day.  That’s easy to remember.  I’ll use that number to explain my solution for the mess in Iraq.

Take the $200 million per day being spent on the war and give it to Americans for an anti-terrorism shopping spree.  Everyone can participate.  So, it’s an All-American solution.

It’s my idea.  So, I’ll be the CEO of the All-American Shopping Spree Against Terrorism.  As CEO, I’ll take $100 million a day.  We’ll divide the other $100 million up among the rest of you.  With a population of 300 million, that comes to $100 million a day for me and 33.33 cents apiece for each of you.

Well that’ not fair.  Besides, 33.33 cents is a little tough to work with.  So, we’ll make it $125 million a day for me and split the other $75,000,000 among the rest of you.  That comes to 25 cents a day for every man, women and child.  That’s better.  We’ll call it Jerreigh’s Two-Bit Solution.  Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

A word of warning to potential slackers:  I may have a lay some of you off later in the year – for the good of the organization, of course.  And to free up a little cash for my year-end bonus.  You can’t expect me to carry the heavy burden of being CEO without a healthy bonus, can you?

Once I become rich, I’ll be looking to the president and Congress for a tax cut.  Maybe we can just excuse anyone making $100 million a day from paying any taxes at all.  Leaves the maximum amount for the patriotic shopping-to-fight-terrorism effort.  I’ll ask them to knock two bits off of everyone else’s taxes.  So, you’ll benefit, too.  Just think, a tax rebate that pays you for another day’s shopping to fight terrorism.  What could be more American than that?

What a great idea.  We get the troops out of the way so the Shiites and Sunnis can work things out among themselves -– a democratic solution for Iraq at last.  We get Americans back into the malls where they belong.  And all of us can finally be part of the war effort.

So, what are you waiting for?  Get out there and shop!  It’s your patriotic duty.

That's my two cents' worth.  Well two bits' worth.  What's yours?  -- Jerreigh@contemplayshuns.com

Comments

[Cindy]

Well, I personally think this is a great solution...and if you were running for office you'd have my vote.

I have tried to do my part today. I bought a book and a magazine at Borders. And I would have spent some money at Starbucks, but I was voted "Customer of the Week" at my local Starbucks (just supporting my country)and I get a week of free drinks. I promise I'll try to do better.

That would be my 2 cents...except I want to spend it, not give it away.