Jerreigh@contemplayshuns.com

Four Stages of Life | You & Santa

The four stages of Life:

1.  You believe in Santa Claus

2.  You don't believe in Santa Claus

3.  You are Santa Claus

4.  You look like Santa Claus

Foreploy | Tricks For the Hard Up

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition.  This year’s winners.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off these bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.  See f oreploy.
14. Dopeler effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
18. And the pick of the literature -- Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

Quote of the Day | Distrustful of the Reader's Intelligence

"No one can write decently who is distrustful of the reader's intelligence, or whose attitude is patronizing." -- E.B. White, The Elements of Style

Quote of the Day | Living Proof

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."
-- Benjamin Franklin